How to fail this class —
you can do it if you try!

Here are a few suggestions on how to earn a failing grade for this course. By the end of the term, you may be able to add some new points to this list.

Remember, you will have to work at failing this class, but you can do it if you try!

· Come to class late, leave early, or just don’t bother coming to class at all.

· Schedule all medical appointments, job interviews, car repairs and appointments with your other professors during class time.

· Never look at the Course Schedule page, and ignore all readings and assignments posted on that page.

· Ignore the readings, just scan them, or never review available study materials for this class.

· Do not read assigned textbook chapters, online notes and/or articles before the lecture covering those materials. Study the assignments only when expecting a pop quiz or just before the exams.

· Never discuss the lectures, readings, assignments and projects with your classmates until the final exam.

· Focus your learning narrowly on what you think is needed to pass an exam rather than developing a deep understanding of the subject.

· Contact the instructor only to ask about your exam scores, to request an extension on a project deadline, to ask whether anything important will be covered in class or to ask what to study for the next exam.

· Don’t listen and take notes on what is said during lectures, and instead, concentrate on copying everything the person sitting next you writes down during class. Better yet, don’t take any notes at all.

· Think of class as a great place to look for a date for Saturday night instead of a place to learn.

· If you are a poor note-taker, don’t use a recording device.

· Be too shy to try to answer a question asked of you during class.

· Be too embarrassed to ask questions during class.

· Never allow class, projects or assignments to interfere with planned or spontaneous social events.

· Never bring any supplies to class. Spend the first 10 minutes of every class trying to borrow a pen and paper.

· When answering essay questions on exams, put effort into recalling details parrot-fashion instead of understanding and applying the material. (An effective technique used to fail exams is to repeat the checklists from the textbook instead of answering the questions.)

· Plagiarize someone else’s work when writing assignments or answering test questions.

· Don’t read the questions on exams. Instead, answer the questions you wanted to get instead of the ones you were actually asked.

· Don’t worry about “minor” things, such as spelling, AP style and grammar, on exams, projects and assignments. In fact, consider subjects, verbs, capitalization and punctuation as optional items in any paper you turn in for grading.

· Make sure that everything you write is painfully long, has no point and is completely incomprehensible. Put it all in one paragraph.

· Never turn in neat and typed projects. Experiment by using fluorescent inks on grocery bags or hamburger wrappers for all assignments you turn in.

· Ignore all deadlines.

· Ignore all email messages from your professor. If possible, tag your professor’s email messages so that they are automatically delivered to your “bulk/spam” email folder.

· Spend as much time as possible searching the Web, reading email, sending instant messages or playing computer games when in class. This helps time pass when your professor is discussing the important concepts needed to pass this class.

· When you send an email to the professor, don’t use your Troy email address; something like “partypro@yahoo.com” is much better. Don’t put a subject line on your email, and never edit it. Make sure it does not clearly state what you need. Sign only your first name, and expect the professor to guess which class you are in.

· Use class time to update your status on Facebook.

· Explore the fascinating world of video chats on Google+ during class time.

· Assume that if something important is said in class, your professor will tweet it to you.

· Avoid attending any review sessions for exams.

· Never show up for appointments with the professor.

· Digital music players are great when trying to tune out lectures. For additional effect, sing along, tap your feet and snap your fingers while listening to your music during class.

· Leave increasingly shrill voice-mail messages on your professor’s phone. Be careful that you never leave any information that your professor could use to return your call or contact you.

· Make sure that your participation in group projects is minimal.

· Establish a pattern of falling asleep in class.

· Never follow through with anything you tell your professor you are going to do.

· Never ask the professor for help.

· If you don’t understand something the professor wrote on your paper, just ignore it. It’s probably not important.

If you set your goal to fail this class, these points will help you succeed.